On March 3, 2020, I stood on the stage of the Ciccone Theater on the campus of Bergen Community College in Paramus, New Jersey and delivered a TEDx talk entitled “A Compassionate Approach to Building Resilience.” Little did I know that later that week, the College would shut down to become a COVID-19 testing site.
Read moreOur Kids Need Compassion More than Ever
I’m worried about our kids and teens. Listening to stories from parents I’ve spoken to recently, it seems to me that our children are more anxious than ever before. They don’t feel safe. They’re afraid to go to school. It’s more important than ever to listen to our kids. To build empathy. And to practice compassion.
Read moreParenting for Your Child’s Nature: The Insightful Water Child
Does your child appear quiet and withdrawn? Prefers to eat dinner in his or her room rather than joining the family at the table? You may be parenting a “Water Child.”
Read moreParenting for Your Child’s Nature: The Playful Fire Child
Is your child the “class clown”? Having trouble controlling his or her impulsive behavior? Acts silly until everyone is laughing? You may be parenting a “Fire Child.”
Read moreParenting for Your Child’s Nature: The Wood Child in Motion
Is your child in constant motion? Does s/he have trouble sitting still in class? Easily frustrated at home? You may be parenting a “Wood Child.”
Read moreWhat is Flourishing?
If you ask any parent what they want for their children, they’ll most likely tell you they want them to be happy and successful. More specifically, they will say they want them to get "good grades,” become “star athletes,” “get along” with their siblings, and to “grow up to get a good job and have a happy marriage.” As a student and practitioner of positive psychology, I think what we really want for our children goes beyond happiness and success — it means we want them to flourish in every way — at home, at school, in life.
Read moreAsk "What's Working?" through Appreciative Inquiry
It’s approaching the end of October. (In some places) the air is cooler, the leaves have changed colors and are falling off the trees. Notebooks have lost their fresh clean smell, pencils are beginning to dull and students’ report cards and progress reports are coming home. By now, most parents have met with their children’s teachers, attended back to school night, and after school routines are fully in swing. Once Halloween comes, the frantic rhythm of the holiday season doesn’t slow down until after the new year.
Read more3 Good Things
By now you’re probably poised for "Back to School." Backpack? Check √. School supplies? Check √. Lunch box? Check √. Positive attitude? Check √ Check √ Check √. But how long will it take for that positive attitude to wear off? For your focus to shift to the negatives, the problems, the feeling that it's all just a grind? Don't worry, the issues will crop up, and you will have to deal with them, but there are some things you can make part of your routine that help you and your kids focus on the positives throughout the school year. One way to keep up a positive "Back to School" attitude is through practicing gratitude, appreciation, and finding "3 good things."
Read moreThe Awesomeness of Awe
How often are we inspired to experience awe? Not just when we say "awww" when we see a cute kitten, hold a cuddly puppy or hear the adorable coos of a happy baby. The times we feel that intense emotion that's real awe -- when we get goosebumps or feel that special brand of joy when we notice a double rainbow in the sky, witness the miracle of birth, appreciate a magnificent work of art, or listen to the birds sing a melodious tune in harmony with one another. That enveloping feeling that we get when we realize how small we are in this vast universe.
Read moreParenting from a “Who is My Child?” Perspective
Over the years I have read more than my share of parenting books by well-intentioned experts who profess to have the “secret sauce” to parenting. Though I have found many of these books enlightening and sometimes useful, most of these authors take a prescriptive or “how to” approach to raising children — for example, let your child cry it out to learn how to fall asleep on his/her own; put your child in time out to learn how to control his/her inappropriate behavior; don’t help with homework so they can learn how to become independent learners. While some of these “prescriptions” may have some validity in some situations with some children, I take the “how to’s” more as suggestions to try in the appropriate context if I feel they are right for my particular child at a particular time in a particular context.
Read moreBucket Filling to Teach Kids Kindness
Since the beginning of civilized society we have valued kindness as a virtue. The importance of teaching our children the Golden Rule as a basic moral principle -- treat others as you want to be treated -- is deeply embedded in our culture and spiritual practices. We encourage children to be compassionate because it's the right thing to do. But are we helping them make the connection between being kind to others and their own happiness and well being?
Read moreHelping Kids Focus with Mind Jars
As parents, we often are urging our kids to focus. “Pay attention…Concentrate… Finish your homework…Don’t be distracted.” So many of us often hear from their teachers that our children have trouble staying on task at school. How can we as parents help?
Read moreKindergarten in Perspective
I had the opportunity to meet with a group of preschool parents recently to see what topics they might be interested in for parenting workshops. I asked them what they wanted to know more about, what was on their minds as parents and what was keeping them up at night. Since our meeting I’m the one getting up at night, concerned about them. I don’t worry as much about their kids, because as we all know children are resilient. But the fear and anxiety in these mothers’ eyes and postures haunts me in my dreams.
Read moreViewing "Screen Time" in Perspective
The effects of television on children was the focus of my academic studies as a graduate student at University of Michigan, the research I conducted at Harvard Project Zero, and my work in social research and broadcast standards at ABC Television Network. As a parent, I watched my share of TV with my son, making sure to discuss what we were seeing on the news, helping to interpret the messages from entertainment programs and harnessing them as teachable moments.
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